Episode 28
TOOT TOOT MUDDAPLUCKERS!!
Far out, the Trash Train picked up another passenger tonight and it was Dave 2.0. Here's the Update for Trash Bags, ep 28 on the Trash Train that is Married At First Sight Australia
Deidre Chambers Jeff and What a Coincidence Rhi are still in their honeymoon stage but are concerned about the negative letter Jacqui wrote to Ryan “They must be in all sorts” Meanwhile, at the pulp factory, Jacqui thinks they're ***giggle giggle*** "sooooo happy" and in a good place, while Jacqui with a Peen Ryan was feeling "pssed off." The slow-mo of the night belonged to a topless One L Eliot, who will now go to the Dinner Party 'with his eyes open' to Veronica's absolute seething hatred of him.
Down the hall, Awhina Warrior Twincess was 'still fuming' about Carina dissing her sister with that #calibre comment, and Yo was pumped for another crack at being #yoda. Carina, wearing a cross to remind us she's a good Catholic girl and a dress that... well, let me just say, I wouldn't want to sit next to her on a church pew as she'd take up ALL my personal body space. #getoffmypewpuffy
Moving on, Carina no longer felt Paul was her 'safe place' after he donned a bus driver's kit and ran her over with his 12-seater. #itwasneverasafeplace. Carina wants to 'take accountability and apologise' to Awhina, and Paul is happy she "regrets her actions." Ummmm, what? YOU'RE HAPPY? YOU DID THIS, YA NUMPTY! Dude, #hush.
Down the hall, Twenty To Life Jamie was upset that Dave 2.0 hadn't reassured her or even bothered "checking in" since the whole "I'm not there yet" convo. Dave arrived and reminded me of a frozen guppy; cold and hard. "Do you want to talk about it here or at the Dinner Party?" Jeez, Dave, show her a little compassion, yeah? No one’s saying you need to be in love at the exact same time, but maybe just throw her an empathetic nod of understanding, yeah? #davethefrozennemo
To show us he's still the Dave we've known and loved, he told the producer outside, "I don't hate her guts. I do care about her feelings. I want to see her happy, just not progressing in other feelings." You don't hate her guts? Faaaaaaaark Dave, who are you?
OKAY, Dave 2.0 has officially entered the experiment. It looks like maybe Yoda Adrian was right when he told Jamie, "If Dave was holding back from the experiment, you'll see it really quickly." Far out Yo, look at you go. #Yo2pointO
Dave left the apartment, and Jamie cried, "He's worse than any of the others as he's lied to me the whole time and pretended to be someone he's not." Ouch, that is a strong statement considering the rivals Dave's up against on Dckhead Mountain.
Voyeurs Room of Farkery
Our Experts were pumped the Partner Swap fckd things up. "There are cracks, and they’ll be magnified. Hahaha suckers, Dinner Parties ROCK!!" Ok, so that wasn't a direct quote, but you gotta let me have some fun, 'kay?
Jamie arrived solo and had a sherbie while chatting amiably to the unresponsive plant. #howyoudoingleaf Fortunately, her bestie Awhina Warrior Princess arrived with Yoda Adrian to console her with the offer of a shared bed and the #crustydoona. The mob started trickling in, and Yoda, having fun as the guy people actually listened to #andunderstandnow, told Jamie, "You're suppressing your needs, and that's not fair. He hasn't spoken up!" The Experts nodded in agreement at the Voyeurs telly, "Not once." #youlittleperverts
Deidre Chambers Jeff was shocked, What A Coincidence/Look at my Shoulders Rhi was shocked, Awhina Warrior Princess was yelling, "WE'LL MEET AT DAWN! BRING JACKETS AND MAKE UP!" #notreally. Teejay was all goggle-eyed perplexed, and ol' mate Yo, fully fluent now, ran out to tell us, "She's been taken advantage of. He's been playing the game to look like a great/nice guy. Let's be real." Again, the world has completely gone to sht if it's Adrian I'm nodding along to.
Let’s race through this so I can get to my visa-holding waiter: Carina walked in, "I've been to church and said my prayers," while clutching at her cross. #becarefulyoumightburnyourhand. Awhina mumbled something about getting an apology, Actress Veronica walked in hating on Eliot with her ears, while the Experts wondered how anxious Dave would be “right now”. Yup, Dave was relaxed enough to yawn in the taxi while chatting to the driver with the standard "How was your day, mate?" Yup, stressed out. #yawn
Dave arrived and was mobbed by the blokes. "I care about her... I don't HATE the girl." Holy sht, Dave 2.0, even I heard the gasp from the Experts, and it was filmed six months ago!
Then it happened with a clink of a glass, and Pedro, the youngest of the Visa Holding Waiter Clan, said, "Zeeeeee Dinnnnnnner is Seeerrrrved." #whereismanuel
Dinner Time Drama Llama
Talk about all quiet on the Western Front. The only sound was the wine being poured and the ***pew pew pew*** sound of the mini lasers coming out of Actress Veronica's eyes whenever she looked at One L Eliot. #earsbutwhatevs.
Carina took the chance to take Awhina outside to apologise... and Paul followed along. Awhina started talking and looked at Paul. "Off you fck, mate, we want some privacy." Far out, you go, chicka. Carina apologised, Awhina accepted, and well, Paul came back out to listen in and... faaaark, I don't know, maybe gaslight Carina a bit more?
Aaaaand he tried to flip it onto Carina. "You feel lighter now you've apologised? You can understand how I was feeling now... I felt my concerns were irrelevant... I've done everything to create a safe place." #nahyouhaven't
DUDE, WHAT THE FCK?
Back at the table, Jeff, the Casual Instigator of Mayhem, looked over at Ryan. "Hey Ryan, did the letter Jacqui wrote set any alarms off?" Ryan agreed that Jacqui had insulted him about "everything," and Jacqui just smiled, "The letter was a great prompt! It worked!" Faaaark me, at what point do we give ourselves a forehead slap for watching this couple? #nowfi
Jeff was gobsmacked, and our Casual Instigator of Mayhem actually burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of their situationship. Dude, #same.
Taking over Jeff's instigator role, Jacqui with a Peen Ryan looked over at Dave. "So, what's happened? I thought you guys were pure, united and strong?" Honestly, this whole scene was a sad old train wreck. Jamie explained how Dave's feelings "hadn't progressed" and how he was showing no emotion at all. "You just blanked me... you broke my heart."
Dave looked at Jamie like he was watching a documentary and said, "Yeah, that's why I didn't tell you."
Oh my sweet baby cheeses, THAT'S WHY YOU DIDN'T TELL HER? Far out, dude. So if Yoda hadn't said anything to Jamie, would you have gone along for the rest of the show just being the "good guy"? Far out, aren't you the one that literally RAN - yes, you literally RAN - to tell CLINT that Lauren didn't feel "the spark" for him? 'Cause you know, one can't string someone along. At least, that's what THE ORIGINAL BFG DAVE thought. Far out, mate. Even the Experts noticed it. "He's got a wall up - he's checked out." #dave2pointocanead
Here's the rest of their convo as I recall:
JAMIE: I feel like our entire relationship is a lie. And the way you're looking at me NOW proves what I'm saying is true.
DAVE 2.0: It's been fun! Great memories! You're one of the best I've ever met.
YO ADRIAN: Ooooh, did you change your feelings after the partner swap? Oooooh, did you touch Veronica's pee pee?
ONE L ELIOT: Yeah, CONNECTED!
VERONICA: Fck off, One L ***pew pew pew*** laser noises
DAVE 2.0: Nahhhh *** pew pew pew***
JEFF: STOP MAKING THOSE FCKING PEW PEW PEW NOISES! Dave, do you want this to work?
DAVE 2.0: Yeah, 'course! You are so special to me. I've handled this badly - I do want to fight for this.
ME: Hmmmmmm, maybe say it with a little expression. Like ANY expression, Dave 2.0.
JAMIE: If you want to be with me, prove it. I cannot carry this. Pull your finger out of your arse and prove it to me.
DAVE: I'd be happy to.
Far out, I have questions: where the heck did this Dave 2.0 come from? Is he just a robotic copy of Dave and someone forgot to put the good guy component in? Has Dave been lying to us all along? Did he touch Veronica's pee pee and that's the real reason things changed? What documentary was he watching? Is he really just a dude that applied for FBOY Island and ended up on MAFS? Why did I start noticing his tats tonight?
Are we still #teamdave?
Yes the OG BFG, but not #teamdave2pointO
And that was all she wrote.
Toodlepips
Fi xx